Skip to content

The best thing I’ve read in a long time

From the blog “Beautiful birds also take a shit“:

Vad är det för fel på koncentrationsläger, egentligen? Kan vi inte bara starta upp ett par magnifika koncentrationsläger igen och sätta alla avskyvärda människor där, typ moderater, sverigedemokrater, vänsterpartister, Breivik, homosexuella, mansrättsaktivister, feminister och pedofiler? Tänk så mycket enklare allt hade varit då…

Nej, seriöst, jag menade inte ett dugg av det jag skrev där. Inte alls. Jag har bara haft en skitnatt och är rätt så ganska urless på världen just nu. Uppgiven skulle man kunna kalla det. Allt detta förbannade hat inför allting som är främmande, allting som inte riktigt går att förstå, alla som tänker annorlunda. Vad är det som är så jävla svårt, som gör att det inte går att snacka med varandra??!!?!?!?!? Jag ska fan bli Jesus i mitt nästa liv och så ska jag aldrig flyga upp på nåt moln till himlen (eller hur det nu var han kom dit) utan bara gå runt och vända andra kinden till åt alla andra, hela tiden. Jag ska vara eran moderat, eran sverigedemokrat, eran vänsterpartist, eran Breivik, eran bög (för flator är ju inte lika hemska), eran mansrättsaktivtist, eran feminist och eran pedofil. För om jag är Jesus kan jag ju återuppstå och då spelar det ju ingen roll hur många gånger ni slår ihjäl mig, ni kan fortfarande slå på mig för att agera ut ert hat.

My translation of the above: “Whatever is wrong about concentration camps? Can’t we just restart a couple of magnificent concentration camps and put all despicable people there, like conservatives, nationalists, communists, Breivik, homosexuals, male rights activists, feminists and pedophiles? Imagine how much easier everything would become…

No, seriously, I didn’t mean a thing of what I wrote above. Not at all. I’ve just had a shitty night and am rather very tired of the world right now. Resigned you could call it. All this damned hate towards everything unknown, everything we don’t quite understand, everybody who thinks in a different way. What’s so fucking difficult, what makes it impossible to talk to each other!!?!?!?!? I’ll fucking become Jesus in my next life and then I’ll never fly some cloud up to heaven (or however it was he got there) but just walk around and turn the other cheek towards everybody else, all the time. I’ll be your conservative, your nationalist, your communist, your Breivik, your gay man (because lesbians aren’t quite that horrible, somehow), your male rights activist, your feminist and your pedophile. Because if I’m Jesus I can resurrect and then it doesn’t matter how many times you kill me, you can still beat me up to act out your hate.”

Wow.

Impressive.

(To the author of “Beautiful birds…”: I hope you don’t mind that I translated your text. If you don’t want it here I’ll take it down. I just thought it deserved as wide an audience as possible. Not that I have so many readers :))

Soccer

Just came home. Shared a car with two other women. Both of them claimed to be perfectly uninterested in the ongoing soccer semifinals between Italy and Germany. So uninterested, in fact, that they turned on the radio to try to find out what the current score was. Not that any of them cared. At all.

Fiss bom ba

This is my 105th blog post. You might think 105 is not a very special number, but only if you never played Fiss bom ba.

The object of the game is to count as fast as you can to 105. But wait, there’s more! Certain numbers are forbidden and may not be spoken! Everything divisible by three gets replaced with fiss, everything divisible by five gets replaced with bom, and everything divisible by seven with ba. So, one two fiss four bom six ba eight fiss bom… Fifteen turns into fiss-bom, and twenty-one into fiss-ba.

The special thing about 105 is that it’s the smallest number divisible by three, five and seven. Fiss-bom-ba and done!

The game can be played alone, but is more fun in a group. In a group you take turns, each saying one number or number equivalent. The group size should not be divisible by three, five or seven, for (I hope) obvious reasons.The counting should still go as fast as possible.

I missed to celebrate the obvious milestone of 100 posts, so here’s to my 105th post instead! Cheers!

Crazy names, part 2

Germany is full of crazy last names. Sometimes oddly fitting… In the following, all names have been translated into English.

My Arbeitsamt counselor is called Ms Chairturner. Another bureaucrat I met there went by the name of Mr Amright.

In the delicatessen of our local supermarket, one of the employees is a Mr Choice.

And my husband has been discussing some work project of his with a Prof. Advisor.

Crazy names

Bild* reports that some idiot tweeted that German soccer star Mesut Özil isn’t a “real” German and shouldn’t be allowed on the team. Only people with “German” names on the German team, or so the idiot would like it to be.

The family has sued against whoever tweeted. The idiot wasn’t quite stupid enough to do it under his/her real name. I’m surprised there was grounds to sue – sure, the utterances are racist assholish bullshit, but I wasn’t aware that it’s illegal to be a racist assholish idiot. Minister of the interior Hans-Peter Friedrich says in Die Welt** that unfortunately it won’t be possible to do anything, since the constitutional court won’t let him save everything that takes place on the internet. Poor guy. He just wants to keep a record of everything everybody does, says, reads and buys. What could possibly go wrong? Friedrich also thinks it’s horrible that the German fans were screaming “victory, victory” on territory occupied by Germany during WWII. Because, y’know, that’s the first thing on anyone’s mind when screaming “victory!” in a soccer stadium…

Anyway, if we’re going to choose the German national team players by their names (which is a horrible idea, and I don’t actually support it, but if) I think there are some worse names than Özil. How about Schweinsteiger? (Scene: husband and me watching a soccer game on TV, Schweinsteiger gets the ball. Me: “Schweinsteiger? ‘He who walks on pigs’?” Husband: “Yeah, that’s the nice translation…”) Or what about Philipp Lahm? Yep, it means “lame”. Great name for a professional sportsman, huh? We were watching the game between Germany and Greece tonight, and the commentators accidentally said some rather funny things thanks to that. “Remember, you can go to our homepage and rate the performance of the players. – Lahm.” “Greece is just standing around. That’s Lahm.”

* “Bild” (meaning “picture”) is the trashiest, tabloid-iest of all German tabloids. Originally called “Bild-Zeitung” (“illustrated newspaper”) until it was ruled that they were too lax with the truth to be legally allowed to call themselves “newspaper”… The outrage over the tweets has been published in many places, but Bild were the only ones stooping low enough to relate what was actually said instead of just writing “racistic attack on Özil”.

** Another German newspaper – a serious one.

You’re not the boss of me yet

Found a great job ad just now. Good location, good skillset match, interesting line of work.

The problem? It’s not with a company, but with a university. German universities, being public institutions, have to “promote equality”. And the way they do this is to write on every job ad that they strive to raise the percentage of female employees, so they emphatically demand that qualified women apply. (…”fordern diese daher ausdrücklich zur Bewerbung auf.”)

I don’t want to apply to a job where the ad emphatically demands I apply!

(Did I write about this before? Maybe. I don’t remember. I hate this practise enough for two blog posts, that’s for sure.)

A strange phenomenon

On the topic of job ads, there’s a strange phenomenon going on out there. A non-trivial proportion of job ads conceal what company you’re applying for. Almost all of these “our client is a well-respected international company dealing in specialty chemicals”-ads also conceal what city you’d be working in. Sometimes you get a region, like Ruhrgebiet or Greater Berlin. Sometimes it only says “somewhere in Germany”.

Who applies for such positions? How many people can there be who want a new job and don’t care where in the country?

Also, why on earth do you want to conceal your company name when looking for new employees? Got something to hide?